It’s full-on holiday season here in Canada as well as elsewhere. The air is filled with festive cheer, twinkling lights, and the promise of joyous celebrations. However, for many parents, the reality behind-the-scenes involves a unique set of challenges that can be utterly exhausting. From buying gifts, managing holiday preparations, juggling work and home (per usual), and keeping up with the boundless energy of excited children, the holidays can be both magical and overwhelming.
If you’re a parent, you’ll likely feel this post deeply. And, if you’re a friend, family member, or neighbour of a parent, please remember that person (not just their kids) as the holidays approach.
1. Separated, Divorced or Widowed Parents
When my kids were young and I was newly separated, I remember being shocked when I didn’t receive any invitations for Christmas (I’m Jewish but it’s still an awful day to spend alone) as well as not receiving any gifts that year — except, ironically, from my soon-to-be ex-husband. My kids received both Hanukkah and Christmas gifts while I received nada.
Please, please, please remember the moms or dads who are newly alone during the holidays. If possible, buy a gift or an experience for the parent not just their gifts.
And, for those who have time and energy: offer to babysit so the parent can go shopping or take time for themselves; take them out of lunch or coffee when they don’t have their kids (if that’s part of their arrangement) or simply call or text: “I’m thinking of you.” It means a lot. Trust me.
2. Trying to Balance Work & Festivities:
For many parents, the holiday season coincides with the demands of work and professional responsibilities. Juggling expectations of the workplace with the desire to create magical moments for their families adds an extra layer of stress. Finding the balance between career commitments and holiday festivities can leave parents feeling stretched thin and emotionally drained.
Suggestions for parents who work outside the home: Take a few days off in a row (or individual days here and there in November or December) as the holidays approach where possible. Don’t necessarily use your days off for holiday shopping, card writing, or baking — try to use at least day to go for a walk, run, or hike; binge watch Christmas moviesl read a book and drink hot tea; or meet a friend for catch-up lunch.
3. Navigating High Expectations:
The desire to make the holidays memorable and “IG ready” for our children often comes with the weight of high expectations. Parents may feel the pressure to recreate the magical experiences depicted from our childhood, in movies or on social media, contributing to a sense of inadequacy when reality falls short.
I’m not going to suggest disengaging from expectations entirely — that advice is unrealistic. But, if at all possible, let go of guilt, keep snapping photos off your mind, say “no” to get-togethers that impede on your kids’ nap time or bedtime, and, if at all possible, take time to have a quiet, reflective day with your family — hang at home in your PJs; go for a forest walk; or spend an afternoon making snowmen.
4. The Energy of Excited Children:
While the joy and excitement of children are central to the holiday experience, it can also be a source of worry and exhaustion for parents.
Endless energy, late nights, and the anticipation of Santa's (if he’s part of your festivities) arrival can disrupt regular routines and leave parents yearning for a moment of quiet reprieve. Navigating the delicate balance between indulging in the festive spirit and ensuring a semblance of routine can be mentally and physically taxing. It will be different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to do what’s right for your own family.
Again, please remember that regular rest, fresh air, and disengaging entirely or leaving early from activities that cause overwhelm (especially for people who live with ADHD, autism and other neurodiversities) can work wonders to achieve a more peaceful holiday.
Overall: Please Remember You!
As we revel in the magic of the holidays, let's take a moment to acknowledge and support parents who work tirelessly behind the scenes. The exhaustion we experience is a testament to our commitment to creating memorable moments for our families.
By recognizing challenges, managing expectations, and prioritizing self-care, we can contribute to a more compassionate and understanding holiday season for everyone.
After all, the true spirit of the holidays lies in connection, love, and empathy – values that extend to supporting the well-being of parents during this special time of the year.
Sending all of you my sincere wishes for hope, joy & good health in 2024.
Lisa