Is 'Gentle Parenting' Ruining a Generation?
Have We Taken Things Too Far?
Like fashion, parenting styles are circular.
You’re probably aware of the term gentle parenting. If not, check out this post I wrote last year. Basically, gentle parenting espouses that parents and others respect a child’s choices, voice, and autonomy. There’s less “telling” and more “suggesting” and working with the child towards agreement.
In theory, this is a beautiful thing. You see, in my experience as a writer, volunteer with the Children’s Aid Society, early childhood educator, and facilitator for a youth outreach organization, I’ve seen and learned more than enough about child abuse and neglect.
However, lately there’s a lot of buzz focused on Generation Z and Gen Alpha - that this generation is too “soft”, undisciplined, unmotivated, and unaware of how to function in a world that is often harsh and demanding.
To wit, here’s a quote from We Raised a Generation of Hikikomori: Gentle Parenting Failed Gen Alpha, a podcast posted yesterday:
“They're not providing the discipline they need. They're not because that's what's needed to relate to the harsh world we live in. These kids act like it's like the hardest time in history. And I'm like, go read about what it was like being a kid during like the yellow fever epidemic or like scarlet fever or any of the past of the great depression in the United States.
I do see a reflection of the above in my own kids and their friends as well as in the world at large. However, to some degree, I feel that a similar phenomenon happens in every generation: Parents and grandparents reach a certain age and start comparing their own upbringing to that of the current generation…
“Back in my day, we used to do X…”
“When I was young, my parents would never have let me do Y.”
“When I was in grade school, my teachers would punish us for even thinking about ABC.”
This doesn’t mean that this type of comparison is wrong per se. The lived experience of parents, grandparents, neighbours, friends, etc. provides a useful comparison to our own experiences. However, it doesn’t mean they’re right or their experience was better, either.
If I had to provide an opinion on gentle parenting, I’d say that in many cases, we have gone too far. Children require guidance and some form of (non-physical) discipline from parents and teachers. They also need to see that actions have consequences. This doesn’t mean that kids should be humiliated, feel afraid, or be severely punished if they choose not to do something but some type of opposite action or consequence needs to occur so that they can learn and grow.
What do you think? Has gentle parenting gone too far? Share your opinion.
Until Next Time, Philosophical Parent — Wishing You & Your Family a Very Happy Holiday. ☃️✨❄️
Lisa
This is great! I choose the term conscious parenting over gentle parenting because I think gentle parenting has gotten a bad rap and been mistaken for permissive parenting or not parenting at all. As a conscious parent, I try less to impose my way of doing things onto my kids and honor their choices as long as they are healthy and not harming them. Coming from an abusive home in my childhood, I want to raise my kids with autonomy and teach them how to trust making their own decisions.