Happy Saturday, readers.
Occasionally I work as a facilitator for an outdoor youth program which is located beside a stunning series of lakes north-west of Toronto. Last weekend I filled in as a substitute as several regular facilitators were ill.
Now, most of the facilitators also work full-time as educators, guidance counselors and social workers and they understand the latest educational and parenting models.
So, while I was substituting last weekend, I was surprised to hear two staff members speak negatively about gentle parenting. “Now I’m not saying I follow gentle parenting,” explained one staff member while she was trying to figure out how best to communicate with some of the participants. “I do say ‘no’ to the children in my own class”, she added for emphasis. Another staff person laughed knowingly and agreed with her.
What Is Gentle Parenting?
After conducting research to get up-to-speed on this parenting model (I studied it a few years ago while working towards a certificate in Early Childhood Education), I realized that some people may be misinformed — or at least they seem to be focusing on the more controversial aspects of the genre.
What’s the ultimate goal here? According to Very Well Family: “Those who practice gentle parenting encourage working together as a family to teach their children to express their feelings, but in a socially acceptable, age-appropriate manner. Gentle parenting is viewed as a beneficial method for raising happy, independent, and confident children.” Now, who wouldn’t want that?!
Here are a few highlights of this style:
Parents act as a coach rather than a ‘punisher’
Gentle parenting helps kids learn to empathize by explaining situations and outcomes instead of simply demanding that things get done
It can be challenging as it relies on having patience and time — and can be difficult to learn if we weren’t parented in the same fashion
According to an article from The Cleveland Clinic, successfully engaging in this style of parenting means that it’s important to “Stay calm and remain positive.” Easier said than done, right? In the same article, it’s shared that: “Studies show that in order to promote changes in positive behavior, you have to praise your child four more times than you give negative feedback.”
So, really, the true essence of gentle parenting means that we:
Provide children with agency over their lives and beings
Explain the rules so they know what to expect
Use positive rather than negative tactics
Treat kids with dignity.
This all makes sense to me. I may not always be successful in using such a model in my own life but I do aim for a “no yelling approach” and, as my children get older, this style of compassionate, empathetic parenting gets easier as I adjust my parenting tactics and learn from my mistakes.
What about you? Do you employ gentle parenting in your family? I’d love to know your thoughts.
Yours in Imperfect Parenting,
Lisa
Substacks I Recommend
For science-backed topics related to health & parenting, read ParentData by Emily Oster. Oster was “named to the TIME 100 list of the most influential people in the world. [She’s] also a mom of two kids who likes to run and doesn’t sleep enough.”
Inner Workings by Rae Katz (who’s now gone back to Rachel Katz as she explains in her latest post) produces a “newsletter about mysterious women’s diseases, work culture, mothering, money and power.”
The Globetrotting Mama by Heather Greenwood Davis is focused on “all things family-travel” with tips, articles, and the latest news in the travel industry.