What Is Agency? And Why Do Kids Deserve It?
Do you know the idiom, “children should be seen and not heard”? For centuries, most children didn’t have any say in their lives nor any rights – if anything, they were often meant to stay out of the way and/or help their parents with work and chores.
Why Children Need “Agency” Over Their Own Lives
Today, social workers, psychologists, and social scientists recognize that children have rights, just like adults. On this same wavelength, there is a growing consensus that children and teenagers (even babies!) should also have agency over their person.
What Does Agency Mean?
Basically, agency in this context, refers to the ability to take action or to choose what action to take. So, while we try to instill critical values and characteristics in our children we should also be encouraging them to have agency over their actions, bodies and decisions. These critical values include:
self-awareness
emotional intelligence
high self-worth and self-esteem
an understanding and respect of their personal boundaries
Why Is Having Agency Important?
It is a new phenomenon for many parents, teachers, doctors, and others to consider that children have perspectives and opinions that should be respected and valued.
Without meaning to, we might dismiss, laugh at, or even resent the opinion of young people. However, as a unique human being, encouraging children to voice their own distinct opinions and ideas is important to their well-being. It also leads to a more harmonious family dynamic and, if children are encouraged to be independent thinkers, a more harmonious school dynamic as well.
Five Ways to Promote Agency In Your Child or Teen
Babies:
It might seem odd to consider but even babies can be allowed agency in their growth and personhood
You can hold them when they need to be held, kiss them when they’re scared and feed them when they’re hungry
Children:
Ask what colour they’d like to paint their room
Provide two or three options for snack or lunch
Ask their opinion on which park to play at during the afternoon
Respect their wishes if they don’t want to play with someone or something
Allow them the free will to engage in risky play which will harness their confidence and independence
Teenagers:
Respect and encourage their independence
Ask their opinion about world issues and current events
Discuss family problems (within reason) and consider their opinion
Encourage and accept their choices when it comes to hair style, piercings, tattoos, clothing, etc. (again, within reason)
Consider their thoughts on moves, vacations, changes to the family or home dynamic
Who Deserves Agency?
Every living thing deserves agency. Sadly, In many parts of the world, vulnerable people such as children, the elderly, people with disabilities, women, gay people, and others do not share the same rights and freedoms that (most) people in the western world enjoy. There is still a long way to go in terms of protecting all persons and making human rights mandatory and a baseline for existence – regardless of status.
So, the next time your toddler, child, or teenager voices their opinion about an activity or current event, try to stop yourself from dismissing them and consider that they have their own unique take on society, life, and, certainly, about their own body and their choices.
Yours in imperfect parenting,
Lisa