I’ve learned a lot about parenting over the last few years. Beyond my own “lived experience” as the parent of two teenagers and step-parent to two young adults, I’ve read, researched and listened to many books, blogs, studies and podcasts and discovered more than a few wise parenting and child psychology experts.
Here are are three of my current favourites; follow them if you wish to be challenged and enlightened:
In doing this research, and as part of my own introspection, I’ve decided that being “resilient” isn’t the be-all and end-all that people imagine it to be — especially for children.
“Oh, Janey is always so resilient; she’s had to attend seven schools in the last six years.”
“Poor Leon is feeling embarrassed. I just know he’ll bounce back after being kicked off the soccer team though.”
While resilience is certainly a skill all of us need to learn and embody, assuming that kids are resilient is another thing altogether.
Here’s a blog post I wrote on this very subject. While we absolutely need to encourage our children to think for themselves and advocate for themselves, we also need to be there for them.
As a Highly Sensitive Person and parent, I don’t want to be told to “toughen up”, “stop being so sensitive” or have people laugh or judge my vulnerabilities. And, let me tell you something - your children don’t want that either.
Whether or not they’re Highly Sensitive People, toddlers, children and teenagers want to be heard, supported, understood and validated.
If you want your kids to grow up to be “resilient”, instructing them to ignore their feelings, thoughts, and emotions is not the way to get there. Empowering children to be their true selves, voice their opinions, see and appreciate different persepectives, and really feel their feelings, is the way to go.
With that said, I’m still working on undoing the common “you’re okay” mantra and really digging deep to understand my children in order to help them overcome obstacles and move forward.