“Kiss Granny, Emma — she missed you!”
Pretty standard instruction to hear or to dish out during the holidays, right?
Yet, Emma may have no interest in hugging or kissing anyone — even Granny or Uncle Joe or Cousin Lenny.
While asking our children to do these things seems like a normal and innocent enough request, it’s important to remember that we should honour kids’ identities, wishes, and autonomy — even babies and young children.
Every human being has rights (and I would argue that animals have rights too) and this includes choosing who they want to hug, kiss, talk and engage with, etc. In fact, the 1989 United Nations’ Convention on the Rights of the Child states:
The child shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of the child's choice.
If your baby is terrified being held by Santa, perhaps it’s not a good idea to shove them in his lap for a “cute” Christmas photo. If your teenager feels uncomfortable hanging out Cousin Nelly, help them manage that situation so they’re never alone with that person.
Family Holiday Roadmap
If you’re going to be travelling to meet family or friends or having holiday parties this month, provide your children with a heads-up on the roadmap of events and people attending and, if possible, ask them if they’re okay staying over at someone’s house, and do not force them to physically engage with others if it makes them uncomfortable.
Encouraging our children to be polite, such as saying “please” or “thank you” after a attending an event or when receiving a gift is all part of teaching manners and social interaction. However, forcing physical connection rarely works and, in fact, can cause serious issues in the short-term and down the line.
Do you agree with this line of thinking? Have you encountered this experience yourself or with your kids when visiting family or friends? Feel free to share your experience by commenting below.
In any case, I wish you and your family a safe, healthy & happy holiday and continued health in 2023.
Yours in peaceful parenting,
Lisa